Invitations
by biohazardgirl
Summary: Troy and Abed invite people to the wedding. Part 2 of #TroyandAbedGettingMarried
1. Chapter 1

"I'm telling you, we should shotgun it," said Troy.

Abed looked up from the scene he was storyboarding over to Troy, who was lying on his back and throwing a football rhythmically into the air.

"Do you mean 'elope' or are you actually pregnant?" he asked.

Troy laughed and sat up to face Abed; the football skittered to the floor.

"If I say I am do I still have to tell my parents I'm getting married?"

Abed tapped his pencil on his chin.

"Depends on the type of pregnancy. If it's an alien that's parasitically feeding off of you then I'd say yes so that you can have a sentimental goodbye before the alien rips out of your chest and makes its way to the nearest city to wreak havoc, hopefully somewhere much more iconic than Denver."

"If it were aliens then you'd have to be pregnant too, because I wouldn't go on a spaceship without you," Troy said, smiling.

"Cool, so we can rule that out," said Abed. "Ok then: are you or have you ever been a werewolf or another mystical being related to the moon? Because you could be going through a ritual spiritual impregnation. I think that could be shocking enough to your parents that relatively the news that you're getting married to a guy would be welcomed for its normalcy."

"If I was, I would know the phases of the moon. My fourth grade teacher just kept saying 'Gibbous some more moon!' Which was weird because, like, the moon isn't lazy Mrs. Christianson, stop making so many demands of it and maybe it will become full again at its own pace," said Troy.

"Ok," said Abed, "Have you been exposed to any magic spells lately? Because that could end up in a journey where the spell could be reversed, and then your parents wouldn't have to know."

Troy sighed, flopped on his back, and covered his face with a pillow.

"No magic spells, no potions, and no radioactivity either. We can't have a shotgun wedding because I'm not pregnant, and my Nana is being telepathic and telling me to be ashamed of myself before I even call my parents."

Abed cocked his head.

"Are you ashamed of yourself?" he asked.

Troy uncovered his face with a pillow and looked over to Abed, his face soft.

"No, of course not. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Abed. But my family and the church-I don't know if they'll be able to see that. Last time I saw my Nana she scolded me for even being friends with people who aren't other Jehova's Witnesses," he said.

Abed frowned.

"Well," he said, "on sitcoms if a relationship is kept a secret, the people who aren't supposed to find out about it always end up finding out anyway, usually by walking in on the two people in a relationship having sex. Inviting your family to the wedding might prevent your grandmother from walking in on that."

Troy flailed in the vague direction of his phone and covered its speakers with his palm.

"Shh!" he said, "Abed, now that idea is out in the universe. Now Nana knows. Nana can feel unpleasantness from miles away. _Nana knows everything, Abed._"

"Vaguely," said Abed, "She has no idea what us explicitly having sex would look like-"

"Ok, well I'm going to call her, and you're not going to say anything else, and then we're going to deal with your family next so be quiet and think clean thoughts. Soap. Detergent. That stuff Annie sprays in her room so that it smells nice." said Troy as he dialed the phone.

"My thoughts are clean as can be, Troy," said Abed. He heard Nana pick up on the other end and mentally scrubbed a little harder.

* * *

Notes: The Gibbous moon story is based on life experience. When I was young that was the way my teacher had us memorize why the Gibbous moon was named like it was i.e. "give us some more moon." Poor Troy didn't click with that memory technique, apparently. I'm basing the sitcom cliche of 'walking in on a secret couple having sex' primarily in my mind on that Friends episode where one of the group members (Rachel?) walks in on Chandler and Monica having sex while they're still a secret relationship. I know there have been many other shows that have done it but that is the one in particular I was thinking of. . .if anyone was interested to know. "Ritual spiritual impregnation" was pulled completely out of my ass. I personally just think it's funny that so many werewolf fics have mPreg in them as well, but I didn't think Abed would be the type of person who would read fanfic so I pulled that from nowhere just so I could give it a tip of my hat. Thanks to anonymouslyyours for kicking ideas around with me.


	2. Chapter 2

Troy didn't feel like many of his ideas were truly brilliant ones, but he gave himself a mental fistbump for calling his mother's side of the family instead of announcing his engagement to them in person. He was fairly certain he was now deaf in his left ear, but he didn't have any welts on his back or legs from Nana's switch like he would have if he had been there.

She had actually told him to get off the phone and drive to the family home so that she could give him a proper beating, but it was an hour's trip and it was nearing midnight and Troy was an _adult dammit_, so he didn't tell her no or hang up or stop crying, but he didn't gather his keys either.

He did feel guilty for not talking to his mom in person though. Or, rather, talking at her, because she hadn't said a word the whole time. In contrast to Nana, his mom had always had a gift for directed silence; she had practiced it throughout childhood with dedicated prayer and perfected it by raising a kid. Troy didn't even have to wonder if she was praying for him. He was pretty sure this was definitely worse than celebrating a birthday, and about as bad as getting a blood transfusion.

Now that the whole thing was over with, Troy was propped up on the kitchen counter, his legs dangling off of the side. In the living room, Abed was finishing up with his own phone call to his mom, which sounded like it was going much better than Troy's had. Troy gazed up at the ceiling and willed his brain to stop telling him that he felt like a hollowed out burrito over and over, because it was making him hungry and burritos weren't supposed to be emotions.

"Your phone call didn't go well. I heard yelling," said Abed as he walked into the kitchen. He stopped a few feet from Troy and cocked his head. Troy could tell Abed was unsure of how to deal with him at the moment, and so scooted over on the counter and motioned for him to sit. He put his palm out face up on Abed's thigh; Abed grabbed it, scooted closer, and hooked his right ankle behind Troy's left one. Troy put his head on Abed's shoulder.

"I think I'm disowned," he said, "I'm not allowed to be a Jehovah's witness anymore, and non-Jehovah's witnesses don't count as part of the family."

"That sucks," said Abed.

"It really, really does. I don't even know what it's like to be a non-Jehovah's witness. If I never celebrated any holidays, is there a law that says I have to celebrate all of them now as much as possible until I've celebrated all the holidays I never celebrated?" asked Troy.

"I'm not sure, but that sounds like a wacky comedy I could get behind. A finite list of tasks to do before the show runs out is a good setup for a sitcom. You could easily get three seasons mileage out of that if you wanted to take that route." Abed said, squeezing Troy's hand.

Troy squeezed back and said,

"Thanks, buddy, but I don't really know if I want to be in one of those shows. For one, they hardly ever actually finish. Like, I'm still upset that Eddie McDowd never finished his 100 Deeds and I don't know if anyone else does, but I care that he's still a dog."

"Agreed, they should have at least made a distant finale so that the audience would have closure," said Abed.

"That's the other thing, I don't really want to stop being a Jehovah's Witness. I like it, and I really hope there's not a law that would force me to celebrate my way out of being one because not being that is making me feel like a hollowed out burrito and I can't even cry."

Abed leaned into him slightly.

"So if we're still talking in terms of the show, you want closure but at the same time, you don't?"

Troy laughed despite himself; Abed's impression of him was dead on.

"Pretty much. What do you think I should do?" he asked.

"I always think you should do whatever makes you the happiest. You say being a Jehovah's Witness makes you happy? You don't have to stop being one inside your head; you just can't go to church anymore."

"Like when cops get fired on tv shows but then they prove their supervisors wrong by cleaning up crime their way because they're cops in their souls?" asked Troy.

"Exactly," said Abed.

Troy smiled. "I love you," he said.

"You too," said Abed, swinging his free leg to and fro. Troy pulled in a bit closer.

"So how did talking with your mom go? It sounded good."

Abed's eyes were bright.

"She's coming. Dad too, although I asked him before I asked you," he said.

"Can't wait to meet her. Well, and to see Gubi too, but we see him all the time. Did free falafel Friday exist before I started coming over every Friday for falafel or did he just make that up to spend time with me and make sure that I wasn't a murderer?" asked Troy.

"He figured out that you fixed the fryer when he wasn't looking. You're basically getting commissions in falafel," said Abed.

Troy laughed as he untangled from Abed and pushed himself off of the counter.

"I knew it had to be something. My dad is coming too with his girlfriend," said Troy.

Abed stepped down from the counter as well and gave Troy a small smile.

"Cool. Cool cool cool."

Troy laced Abed's right hand in his left and smiled back. Abed cupped Troy's face and kissed him. Troy laughed.

"You ready to tell our other family?" he asked.

"Depends on if you bought the right gear," said Abed.

"Oh, I did."

* * *

Jeff had never gotten a letter that he didn't end up wishing he hadn't read, and he doubted this one would be the exception. He stared at it as he ate dinner the night that it came in the mail, wondering what on earth was so sensitive that Troy and Abed could only have it delivered by post.

He decided that, for the sake of the order of the universe, he would ignore the letter until it was urgent. This lasted all of two days, because on the third day it started to whine and emit muffled noise, and it was loud enough that it was interrupting his watching of reality tv on the sly; he never turned up the volume on Keeping Up With the Kardashians while he was watching it because it felt like he was admitting to himself that he was a fan, and that was definitely not cool. Rather than claiming his life choices, Jeff decided to just open the letter. After all, it was probably just a dumb singing card or something, and Jeff had never known one of those to cause massive amounts of chaos.

Gold and silver glitter and silly string exploded out of the envelope, embedding itself firmly into Jeff's carpet and hair. The card inside however was very simple on the front, only saying "You're Invited!" in handsomely drawn letters. Gingerly Jeff opened the card and-

"TROY AND ABED GETTING MARRIED!"

Well, he could always count on the study group for massive amounts of chaos.


End file.
